This was hard. Realizing that half the reason you have for living on this earth has gone off on their own. We had to drop Caden off at college yesterday and it was very difficult. Alexa came then flew back to finish her senior year. It was nice that she could be there for her little brother.

I pride myself on being a very strong person, emotionally and mentally, but this one was hard. I’m always the “suffer in silence” kind of person. I don’t lean on too many people, but this was… a lot.

Alexa does such a good job keeping in touch and staying connected, but I think it’s going to be especially hard with Caden because he’s so much like me…and I know that he’s going to be fiercely independent and probably not reach out when he needs me the most. Maybe it’s our pride or maybe it’s our independence, who knows. But I hope that he does a little better than I did to avoid some of the mistakes that I made. He’s certainly smarter than I was at his age, but it’s wisdom, which comes with maturity, that I’m praying for now.

You work for 18 years to raise your kids to be everything they can be, you guide them right into being independent thinkers with their own mind, lives, opinions…it’s completely counterintuitive for a mom to do something that fosters separating from their offspring. Instinctively, we want to keep our children close, so we can protect them. It is by design that we are protective over our children so to see them off, and actually prepare them to leave, is so emotionally conflicting. There is nothing natural about this process.

The only thing worse is if they stayed; dependent or incapable of being their own person.

When it comes to parenting, the hard answer is usually the right answer. But it sucks.