One of Colton’s Worst Experiences
Not too long ago, my son went through something that was pretty rough. It had him feeling alone and betrayed. Fortunately, he has a family that loves him so much and a mom who is a fierce warrior and advocate for him, but I felt very heavy-hearted.
I walked alongside him as best I could…when he cried…I cried, when he retreated to his room…I went with him, when he felt alone…I was there. I became his best friend, and in a lot of ways, it was a pivotal point in our relationship at such a formative period.
I think it was important for me to be there for him, but it was even more important for him to SEE that I was there for him, but it did make me think: what do all of those pre-teen boys and girls who go through things like this do when they don’t have parents or someone that is there for them? It makes me incredibly sad to think that every single child doesn’t have that kind of support system; that a lot of children feel alone. There are kids that don’t have parents that will crawl into their bed and give them a hug… even when they don’t want them to or make their favorite dinners or just watch TV with them.
It was one of the worst experiences that I think he’s had in his 13 years, but it ended up being one of the best things that ever happened to him. It forced him out of a group that was not a good fit for him (he was starting to lose his identity), but it eventually steered him in another direction where the energy was more positive and built around a common goal and like-minded interests.
I can’t even tell you how difficult it was to see the light at the end of the tunnel while you’re in the throes of battle, but it really did come full circle. I don’t think I would have made the strides with him that I did in such a short time unless the situation was as severe as it was.
I hate the parent philosophy of “they can figure it out on their own”. Yeah, that’s true to a certain extent, but it’s also overly used and such a cop-out, I’ve never let my kids “figure it out” on their own. I do let them figure it out, but definitely not on their own. That’s what parents are there for.
Don’t be afraid to make serious changes for your child if they are not in a good situation, whether that means moving schools, moving cities, changing sports, churches or yanking them out of a friend group and taking their phone for six months…whatever the case may be. Sticking it out in a bad situation does not prove anything - it is not a badge of honor. They come out the other side scarred, and they spend the rest of their lives trying to get over their childhood “trauma”, then having unresolved issues play out in other relationships in their lives much more important than those in middle school; like their spouse, kids or colleagues.
Trust me, you are better off alone than in bad company.
Some of the biggest changes I made for my kids in middle and high school directly impacted where they are today. Specifically, Alexa tells me that had we not moved her to Keystone in San Antonio from Geneva, her private Christian school, she does not think that she would be the student that she is today. As a Christian family, that was a bold move because she was going from a Christian school to a secular school. But I knew that the installation of her faith was not dependent on what school she went to. It was dependent on us.
Yes, you can let your kids fall, but just make sure they fall forward, not backwards, so when they get back up, they are still ahead.
Colton will do great things. Wait for it. 😎🙏
"Fall down seven times,
get up eight." 💪🏽🏆
- Japanese Proverb
